Missionary, know thyself!
By Josie Oldenburg —
I vividly remember the moment I understood that culture permeates all of life. I’d already been a missionary for a few years, and I was reading “The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down,”
the true story of an epileptic Hmong girl and the cultural tug-of-war over her medical care. The author casually mentioned that in the girl’s Hmong household, family photographs “hung close to the ceiling, to show respect.”
“My gracious,” I thought, glancing at my own eye-level art, “culture even affects where you hang your pictures.” (Check out these “Fantastic tips for perfectly placed art;” surely nearer the ceiling would be easier!)
Culture. It’s not just language, or religion, or family structure, or household size, or what foods you care for, or whether you run late or show up early, or gender roles, or approaches to staying healthy, or what’s considered polite and what’s considered rude, or how you raise your children, or how you respect your elders. It’s all of these. And it’s where you hang your art.
No wonder, then, that multicultural teams face challenges — even when every single member of the team loves Jesus. Here are some steps that can help:
Understand your own culture
Sheryl Silzer, author of “Biblical Multicultural Teams,”
specializes in helping teams work through multicultural teaming challenges. In her sessions, she doesn’t focus on “other” cultures — she helps each global worker examine his or her own culture.
“We often don’t understand what our own culture is,” Sheryl said. “So when we see something different, we don’t know how to respond, except to react in ways that say, ‘That’s wrong.’ Because if we say, ‘Well, maybe that’s the right way to do it,’ what that means is, ‘I’m going to have to change how I do things.’”
Sheryl notes that speaking the same language does not mean you share a culture.
“There’s a training center in Latin America. They all speak Spanish, but they don’t all get along,” she said. “It’s just like English speakers. We assume that, since somebody speaks English, they do things in the same way that I do.”
Examine your childhood family culture
Children receive cultural lessons from the start. Consider the grocery store: In a Western grocery store, you might hear a mother ask her child, “What kind of cereal would you like?” That’s typical in Western culture, but Sheryl says that in a communal culture with a strong hierarchy, children wouldn’t be asked what they want. They would just be given food and expected to eat it. And the children wouldn’t ask or complain — not because they are perfectly behaved, but because that’s the norm in their culture.
In her team-building sessions, Sheryl uses each room of the childhood home as a metaphor to explore how our experiences as children affect our approaches to areas like hospitality, leadership and authority, working and resting, and sharing resources.
“Most of us have not thought about our childhood, and how we related to our parents and how that shapes our view of authority,” Sheryl said. “Same with our co-workers and siblings. A lot of these issues go back to emotional baggage that we take with us to the mission field.”
Consider whether differences are biblical or cultural
How did you respond to the idea that children should just eat whatever they’re given, without any choice in the matter? Did that seem cruel? Impossible? Brilliant?
Sheryl suggests: “When you have some kind of emotional response, that tells you that you need to step back and think, ‘OK, what is the underlying cultural issue that’s prompting my response?’”
It’s a lesson she learned the hard way. Before Sheryl began studying culture, she was often confused by her own emotional reactions when she served as a cross-cultural worker.
“I just assumed that the way I did things was the biblical way, so I felt justified in criticizing other people and telling them that they were doing things wrong,” she said. “Now I realize that if my responses to these differences do not promote how we were created in God’s image, loving one another, the body of Christ, people functioning with their gifts, the fruit of the Spirit being developed, then whatever I’m doing is not biblical. But it took me a long time to realize that and accept that.”
A short list of cultural questions
Exploring how you handle these areas (and why) can help you understand your own culture and cultivate healthy team relationships.
Leadership/authority:
Who should tell you what to do? How involved should you be in that process? How should a meeting be run? Should a meeting be a place to make a decision, or should decisions be made beforehand and merely communicated at the meeting?
“I worked with one team that had German interns, East Asian workers and two American female leaders,” Sheryl said. “No one understood each other! The Germans and East Asians were expecting the American women to be more directive in how they led, to tell them what to do. The Americans were thinking, ‘Well, you should be able to make your own decisions. We gave you guidelines, but it’s your ministry.’”
Communication:
How do you decline an offer? How much do you speak in a meeting? Do you pay attention to the gender or ages of the others in the room to help you decide whether to speak up? What information is polite to share? Which questions are polite to ask?
Hospitality:
When you have someone over, do you always eat together? Do you expect them to invite you over next? To bring a gift? To help you prepare a meal? How long should your guest stay? How will you indicate that it’s time for them to leave?
“One of my Asian friends said, ‘I invited some Americans over for a meal, and they never invited me back,’” Sheryl said. “My friend still remembers this like yesterday, although it was about 10 years ago. Asians feel like Americans do not want to maintain a long-term relationship because they do not reciprocate in some way.”
Spiritual practices:
How do you get restored in your soul? Is this an individual process or a collective experience? Do you pray alone? In a group, does one person pray at a time, or do all pray at the same time? How connected are your relationships and your physical health to your spiritual life?
Sharing of resources:
Do you consider any of your items personal property? When you share something — information or money or possessions — what is the underlying purpose? Do you expect to be paid back? When? If you need something from someone else, how do you ask? If you share something, do you feel compelled to reciprocate?
“In many cultures, you share resources in order to build relationships,” Sheryl said. “If you know someone who is selling a product I need, you become my connection to that person. But if you help me, then I need to help you — because of this, people have a very strong memory, particularly if you don’t reciprocate.”
Working and resting:
How do you decide your work schedule? Who distributes the work? Do you work to rest or do you rest to work? How many hours should a work week be? How many vacation days (or weeks) should you take? Should your work schedule be consistent or should it change day to day? How does your economic status affect your choices? What types of jobs count as “spiritual” work?
“Westerners tend to separate the physical from the spiritual,” Sheryl said. “We think, ‘OK, I’m doing my work, but unless it’s preaching or something, it’s not necessarily spiritual.’ Other cultures integrate the spiritual and the physical to a greater degree.”
Friendship:
Who do you consider a friend? What responsibilities do friends have to one another? Are friends or family more important? How do you develop a friendship? Do you ask to be included? Or do you wait to be asked? Should you be friends with people of other genders? Other ages?
We often think we understand our culture, or that we aren’t overly influenced by it — until we run into conflict. Looking deeply at our own cultural expectations can help spark greater understanding and dialogue within a multicultural team, so that each member can display the unity of Christ as they engage the unreached.
Author’s note: I am indebted to Sheryl Silzer, author of “Biblical Multicultural Teams,”
for helping me think through these issues. Sheryl specializes in equipping teams to work through multicultural teaming challenges. You can contact her here.
• SEND’s member care department provides personalized support for each of our missionaries and their families throughout their careers.
Read about some of the benefits of serving with SEND.
Additional Posts
Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?
Learn about the spiritual harmony in Vietnam & how missionaries engage with college students. Join us in sharing the gospel!
Explore Georgia's spiritual heritage and the impact of SEND International's mission. Join us in fostering authentic relationships today!
