I found him as love
I’m Vanessa and I’m from Prague, Czech Republic. My life before Jesus was a mess. I was just going from boyfriend to boyfriend, from country to country and having relationships everywhere. But I always felt alone — I was always looking for family, looking for love.
I started modeling to make some money. My hope was to get a great job for good money and possibly become famous.
I was raised in the traditional church and that’s where I first heard the gospel. But it wasn’t alive, it wasn’t real. It was just people sitting and listening to dead stuff. It had nothing to do with me. I hoped it would possibly save me. But to me, Jesus was just a statue. I didn’t have relationship with him. I wasn’t offered a relationship.
After my parents divorced, I didn’t have to go to church anymore and I was so happy. I hated everything about it. I just hoped I would never have to go back there. But I started to realize, after many parties, after many nights spent in somebody’s bed, that I needed something more than this.
One day in Vienna, I went back to the model’s apartment after I was in bed with someone. As I was taking a shower, I thought, “Wow, I wash myself outside but I can never wash myself inside.”
Later on, one of my boyfriends cheated on me. I cried bitterly and realized that no, men are not going to give me the love that I need. I can’t find it there. I was just so desperate for it though, without realizing it. I thought I didn't need anybody. But I was searching for God.
I was going to evangelical churches, I was listening to preachers, and I was studying theology at Charles University, one of the most famous schools in all of Europe. I was looking for love but when somebody came with love, I wasn’t able to receive it because I didn’t believe they loved me. So I didn’t believe Jesus’ promises — even though I thought I did.
I was fasting, I was praying, I was saying, “God I want you!” But it was in my strength. I had to do everything for myself. I was a successful model. I made a lot of money. I was successful in my pride. I was successful in my stubbornness. And so He had to humble me very much, almost to the point where I didn’t make any money for two years. But then I found him as my personal Savior. I found him as a deliverer. I found him as a friend and I have found him as love. The Scripture says, “Your goodness will lead me to repentance.” That became so true to me.
There is a root of unbelief in the Czech Republic. People don’t have a personal relationship with Christ because they don’t seek him for it. They don’t expect anything. Most of them hope that they will be saved by going to church every Sunday. So my prayers are that God would shine his light and call his people and give them a love for one another that others may see it and come to him. Because it starts with us, it starts with the church. If love is there, they will see it. Christ said they will see that you are my disciples if you love each other.
For so long, I’ve cried out to God, “Please send somebody! If that’s your will, send Christians here. Let them show us how to please you, how to be in your presence, how to serve you, how to know you, how to seek you.”
We are in desperate need of a Savior. There are so many people dying here without knowing who he is. We are all one family in Christ and we need you. We need brothers and sisters. We need those who are stronger in faith. We need preachers anointed by God who would come with his presence and help us, like little brothers and sisters. We need you.
Additional Posts
Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?
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