I found him as love
I’m Vanessa and I’m from Prague, Czech Republic. My life before Jesus was a mess. I was just going from boyfriend to boyfriend, from country to country and having relationships everywhere. But I always felt alone — I was always looking for family, looking for love.
I started modeling to make some money. My hope was to get a great job for good money and possibly become famous.
I was raised in the traditional church and that’s where I first heard the gospel. But it wasn’t alive, it wasn’t real. It was just people sitting and listening to dead stuff. It had nothing to do with me. I hoped it would possibly save me. But to me, Jesus was just a statue. I didn’t have relationship with him. I wasn’t offered a relationship.
After my parents divorced, I didn’t have to go to church anymore and I was so happy. I hated everything about it. I just hoped I would never have to go back there. But I started to realize, after many parties, after many nights spent in somebody’s bed, that I needed something more than this.
One day in Vienna, I went back to the model’s apartment after I was in bed with someone. As I was taking a shower, I thought, “Wow, I wash myself outside but I can never wash myself inside.”
Later on, one of my boyfriends cheated on me. I cried bitterly and realized that no, men are not going to give me the love that I need. I can’t find it there. I was just so desperate for it though, without realizing it. I thought I didn't need anybody. But I was searching for God.
I was going to evangelical churches, I was listening to preachers, and I was studying theology at Charles University, one of the most famous schools in all of Europe. I was looking for love but when somebody came with love, I wasn’t able to receive it because I didn’t believe they loved me. So I didn’t believe Jesus’ promises — even though I thought I did.
I was fasting, I was praying, I was saying, “God I want you!” But it was in my strength. I had to do everything for myself. I was a successful model. I made a lot of money. I was successful in my pride. I was successful in my stubbornness. And so He had to humble me very much, almost to the point where I didn’t make any money for two years. But then I found him as my personal Savior. I found him as a deliverer. I found him as a friend and I have found him as love. The Scripture says, “Your goodness will lead me to repentance.” That became so true to me.
There is a root of unbelief in the Czech Republic. People don’t have a personal relationship with Christ because they don’t seek him for it. They don’t expect anything. Most of them hope that they will be saved by going to church every Sunday. So my prayers are that God would shine his light and call his people and give them a love for one another that others may see it and come to him. Because it starts with us, it starts with the church. If love is there, they will see it. Christ said they will see that you are my disciples if you love each other.
For so long, I’ve cried out to God, “Please send somebody! If that’s your will, send Christians here. Let them show us how to please you, how to be in your presence, how to serve you, how to know you, how to seek you.”
We are in desperate need of a Savior. There are so many people dying here without knowing who he is. We are all one family in Christ and we need you. We need brothers and sisters. We need those who are stronger in faith. We need preachers anointed by God who would come with his presence and help us, like little brothers and sisters. We need you.
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