Parents, why be a helicopter when you can be a launch pad?
By Anna McShane —
When Jack and Sarah* went to Taiwan with their little daughter, Sarah’s parents went along. Not in body, but in every other way they could.
With a need-to-know desire for every detail in Sarah and Jack’s life, they called, they wrote, they came to visit. Then, when Jack’s co-worker, a local pastor, helped them choose a name for their daughter, Sarah’s mom went into action. She talked to the only woman she knew from that part of the world. Soon Sarah was informed they’d picked a bad name! The fact that Mama’s neighbor, an unbeliever, was Cantonese while Jack and Sarah were learning Mandarin was ignored. Mama knew better than the local pastor!
Eventually, to keep family peace, Jack and Sarah chose another name for their daughter, but it was the beginning of the end. Sarah’s parents were so deeply entwined in their daughter’s life that they simply could not handle her living abroad.
There are three kinds of missionary parents: Helicopter, Kite, and Launch Pad.
Sarah’s were classic helicopters.
Helicopter parents
Helicopter parents, a term used by colleges, are parents who hover so closely over their adult children that the new missionaries have difficulty connecting with their adopted language and culture. Technology makes it easy. Email, internet phone calls, inexpensive airfare, Skype or FaceTime, international texting or other messaging apps. It’s like they never left! But “never left” is bad news for new missionaries learning to minister cross-culturally.
Kite parents
Kite parents set their kids loose with their blessing, but there’s a long string attached. Parents can yank it when they feel too disengaged from their children and grandchildren. It’s subtle. Comments like, “We praise God you are serving him but we do wish you were closer,” heap guilt on new missionaries.
Launch pad parents
Launch pad parents believe that God called them to raise missionaries and blast them off to impact a lost world. They don’t love their children and grandchildren any less, but they feel privileged to be the “Houston” support staff.
One woman wrote of her mom, “My mom’s letters were the link that helped keep me connected with folks at home. She worked until she was 68 so she could support me. She faithfully prayed for ‘my people’ and sometimes shed her own tears when one of my friends died because she had come to know them through our correspondence.”
Another woman wrote that her parents were “deeply involved without demands.” Half a world from each other, they wrote often and came to visit. When the grandchildren went back to the USA, the grandparents continued a nurturing relationship with them despite the fact they had grown up so far apart.
Was this because technology wasn’t as easy as today? No, this missionary says. “My parents set boundaries. Today many Christian parents have had excellent teaching on parenting but some Christian families are very ‘tight’ and stick closer together geographically and emotionally than they did even a generation ago. I don’t know that it’s intentional on the part of parents, but I think some Christian parents discourage their kids from looking at ‘the other side of the world’ as a viable career option.”
How can you be a Launch Pad parent? Let your children “fly” with the Lord. Pray fervently for them and the people they serve. Love deeply and communicate both the good and the bad well — it’s equally frustrating for missionaries to be shielded from bad news. They need to know when folks at home are struggling so they can pray too! Yes, use the new technology to see their faces and hear their voices. Yes, go visit them. But respect them as adults adjusting to a new job. Wait till your missionary children are well established in language and culture before descending.
Meanwhile, keep the home fires of prayer, logistical and moral support burning between their visits to you.
We appreciate the sacrifices that families make when their loved ones serve as missionaries. Prayer can help bridge the gap.
Download a free bookmark
with daily themes to help you pray for your missionary family members.
*not their real names
Additional Posts
Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?
Learn about the spiritual harmony in Vietnam & how missionaries engage with college students. Join us in sharing the gospel!
Explore Georgia's spiritual heritage and the impact of SEND International's mission. Join us in fostering authentic relationships today!
