Have yourself a flexible little Christmas
By Teena Embaugh, Third-Culture Kid care specialist —
Developing Play-Doh Expectations means keeping your plans flexible and able to take on new shapes as they hit the hard wall of reality. ( Read more about Play-Doh Expectations.) We routinely teach this valuable concept to Third-Culture Kids, who live with their missionary parents in a country other than their passport country. But this year, COVID-19 has upended plans and shattered expectations everywhere. Missionary or not, we all can benefit from Play-Doh Expectations.
Changed plans and unmet expectations can be particularly painful when they affect longstanding traditions like holiday celebrations. You or your children may be expecting Christmas to be the way it always has been. But, because of COVID safety restrictions, that might not be possible. What could Play-Doh Expectations look like this holiday season?
I absolutely am not the expert at this, as I am walking this same journey with all of you, but I would like to humbly suggest a few ideas that I’m trying to put into practice in my own life.
1. Pray about your plans.
Ask the Lord to show you ways you may be making promises to yourself or your kids that you can’t keep in regards to how you will celebrate the holidays. For most of us, our hard wall of reality is that we DO have limitations that are going to affect our usual ways of celebrating. I love to spend the holidays with my family and friends, in person, giving hugs, going shopping, and taking cookies to all our neighbors. Most of those traditions are not going to happen this year, and I have had to quit holding to the expectation that I can force them to happen. I start by praying about it, asking for the Lord’s insight, and then honestly acknowledging that many of my expectations are not going to be met.
2. Talk openly with your family.
Ask your family about specific things they expect will be included in your celebrations this year. Try to be intentional about including at least one important, yet safe, thing from each person. But, at the same time, be honest about what is not going to be possible this year, and consider making a holiday celebration wish list that you can work hard on fulfilling next year. Then, allow some space and time for people to grieve and express their feelings about their unmet expectations in appropriate ways—ways that don’t harm themselves or others with their words or actions, but allow them to process well. Some ideas for kids (or creative adults!) might include drawing pictures, writing about their feelings, composing a sad song, or making a video where they pour out their thoughts.
3. Find something you can do.
Here’s the fun part! When you make the list of what you can do this year, try not to focus on how many things are missing, and instead, try adding at least one new activity or project. Make it something enjoyable for everyone involved, and don’t be afraid to think outside the box and try something that will challenge you and bring you together as a family. Perhaps you will start a new tradition!
4. Remain flexible.
With the COVID situation constantly changing, remember that even your new plans might not come to fruition. Make flexibility and resilience a part of how you think, speak and live. After all, Jesus came that we might have life, and have it abundantly. He wants us to find joy in each new day, being grateful for what we DO have and CAN do, moving forward with confidence to whatever God has in store for us next.
I hope these ideas will help us all do more than just “get through” the holidays. Instead of focusing on the sadness or frustration about what we are missing, perhaps by cultivating Play-Doh Expectations, we can experience a deeper sense of joy, a deeper appreciation for the traditions we’ve enjoyed in the past, and a deeper thankfulness for Jesus, God with us, the real reason for this season.
I hope these ideas will help us all do more than just “get through” the holidays. Instead of focusing on the sadness or frustration about what we are missing, perhaps by cultivating Play-Doh Expectations, we can experience a deeper sense of joy, a deeper appreciation for the traditions we’ve enjoyed in the past, and a deeper thankfulness for Jesus, God with us, the real reason for this season.
Additional Posts
Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?
Learn about the spiritual harmony in Vietnam & how missionaries engage with college students. Join us in sharing the gospel!
Explore Georgia's spiritual heritage and the impact of SEND International's mission. Join us in fostering authentic relationships today!
