How to be a good missionary houseguest
By Josie Oldenburg —
As the summer travel season creeps up, perhaps you plan to use your hard-earned vacation days to visit a missionary. Thank you so much! Whomever you visit will probably delight in showing off their new culture, giving you a first-hand look at their ministry and catching up on news from home.
I’m sure you want to be — and will be! — a delightful houseguest. Here are some tips that hopefully will help you deliver encouragement (not embarrassment) and joy during your stay (not joy once you’ve gone).
1. Ask if there’s anything you can bring
Missionaries often keep a running list of “things I need from back home” going in their heads (or, in my case, on my refrigerator). Some items — certain medications, new ATM cards, packages of pepperoni — are best carried over by hand. Baggage restrictions are brutal these days, but do try to carve out a little space for needed items that will bless the missionary.
2. Dress appropriately
I once heard about a visitor who dressed to the nines. She accessorized her glamorous clothes with shiny necklaces and rings on most of her fingers. She looked lovely — but she spent her day complaining because so many beggars approached her, seeking a handout. Finally her husband burst out: “Well, look at how you’re dressed!”
Different cultures have different modesty standards, and you’ll want to ask your host about those. But don’t neglect to ask about socio-economic standards, too. If you hostess doesn’t wear her diamond ring because none of her national friends have one, perhaps you could slip yours off during your visit, too?
3. Expect kids to be kids
You’ve perhaps only seen your host’s children on home service, when they’re on their best behavior during church events. But now you’re in their world, and you might witness a meltdown or a sibling spat or some disrespectful speech during your visit. Changes — even little changes, like sharing their parents with a houseguest — can be emotional for little guys and gals, and they might just show their stress through not-so-stellar behavior. Give the family time and space to work through such incidents.
4. Laugh at yourself
Our pastor and his wife came to visit us, and she made the effort to pick up a few words of Russian. That was awesome! Until she kicked a gentleman on the bus, then looked him straight in the eye and very sincerely said, “Thank you.”
(She meant to say, “Sorry.”) She could have died of embarrassment and felt shy and uncomfortable for the rest of her visit, but instead she laughed about it. In fact, we’re all still laughing about it, 10 years later.
5. Pay attention
We once rode a crowded bus with an English-speaking couple that couldn’t find seats near each other. The rest of the bus was silent — but they carried on their conversation, yelling to be heard from opposite ends of the bus.
Are you at a soccer game, with a roaring crowd surrounding you? Great. Feel free to turn your vocal volume up. But chances are, the people around you aren’t talking loudly. So be prepared to turn your vocal volume down — or even to endure long stints of silence in public places like buses or subways.
Paying attention extends beyond public places. When you walk into a house, does everyone else take their shoes off? Kick off your kicks, too — and hope that you wore your good socks. If you’re at church, notice where people are placing their Bibles. If no one else’s Bible is on the ground, make sure yours isn’t, either.
Basically, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Or, as the Russians say, “Don’t go to another monastery with your own rules.” Or, in Polish: “When among the crows, caw as the crows do.” Or, in Czech: “If you want to live with wolves, you must howl like them.” You get the picture.
6. Make your food preferences clear
I once made a very sweet guest stuffed peppers and fresh-baked bread for dinner. Good thing she wasn’t gluten intolerant, because she couldn’t eat peppers.
Even if food is plentiful in the place you’re visiting, it might be harder to come by than it is back home. We carried all our food home from the market by hand, and our daily trips to the store meant that we did not have a lot of options in our fridge at any one time. Of course, I’d always be happy to cook around a guest’s likes/dislikes/allergies, but I did need to know them a day or two early.
7. Realize that you’re not seeing real life
We once had a guest claim that we were on “a four-year vacation.” I about cried. Actually, after they left, I did cry. It was so discouraging! But, in retrospect, I can understand how we gave them that impression. We took time away from our ministry to show them our city. We ate out. We went to museums. We ambled through historic churches. We stopped for coffee and long chats. It was very vacation-y. But it wasn’t, by any means, our real life.
Your hosts want to show you the very best of their community. They want you to have fun and to see the sites. But make clear that you’re happy to join them in their real life, too. Ask if you can go to church with them, play with their younger kids so they can help older kids with homework, pick up something at the market, or be a conversation partner at their English club. They might say no. They might need a week that’s kind of vacation-y. But don’t leave thinking that they’re living the high life, just because they showed you the highlights.
8. Lock the bathroom door
Pretty please. Save everyone some embarrassment.
Additional Posts
Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?
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