Missionary life: Making Jesus my first love (again and always)
By Amanda Benson —
“Happy Birthday, Amanda. Stay in love with Jesus.” These words got me thinking. Am I still in love with Jesus?
We had a speaker at Faith Academy in the Philippines, the school where I teach, who talked about “digital cocaine”—how being addicted to screen time affects our brains in the same way using cocaine does. ( Watch a video of him.) He closed with a picture of a group of teenagers staring at their phones and challenged us to think: Am I as captivated with God as I am with my phone?
In Isaiah 58, Israel tells God that they are fasting and doing what he asks, but God tells them that they are only fasting for themselves. Instead, they should be focused on sacrificing themselves to help others, as God desires for all to be free.
What about me? Am I doing my “Christian duties” for myself, or am I doing them with the right heart? Have I allowed myself to get distracted by much serving, as Martha did in Luke 10, or am I sitting at the feet of Jesus?
A crazy season
These thoughts started floating through my head as I moved into a new house, so life has been crazy. All of my down time (which isn’t much) was spent packing and unpacking. I got behind on grading, and some things I’ve been wanting to get organized for school for the past two months still aren’t done. Sometimes it has felt like I’ve been just barely keeping my head above water.
A couple years ago, I started spending extra time with Jesus on Sunday nights, but the last couple months, that time has been next to nothing. I’ve let my other concerns and worries take away from my extra time with him.
A couple years ago, I started spending extra time with Jesus on Sunday nights, but the last couple months, that time has been next to nothing. I’ve let my other concerns and worries take away from my extra time with him.
I think about how often I use my phone—how I pull it out as I walk around the halls; how I check to see if anyone sent me any messages between classes; how I check Facebook during lunch; how it is the last thing I touch before I go to bed; how it is almost always with me. Do I invest as much time in my relationship with God as this? Am I consciously talking to him all the time? Am I willing to stop everything to listen to him, as I do when a phone call or message comes through? I want to be truly captivated by God. I know that I won’t be effective in my ministry if I’m not.
And I think about how often I get so busy doing the good tasks that I believe God has called me to do, that I lose track of why I’m doing them. When I don’t keep in mind that I need to do them sacrificially for the benefit of others and for the glory of God, I lose my joy in serving.
God’s good reminders
This is not who I want to be. I think we all face times like this in our lives, and I believe that God uses these times to remind us of who he is, who we are, and why he has us where he does.
I know that Jesus truly needs to be my first love. I should never let other things or people take his place in my heart.
I spent some extra time with Jesus last Sunday, and it was marvelous. I’m so thankful that I serve a God who is with me every step of the way and will pick me up when I’ve fallen down.
God of the hills and valleys
Amanda recommends the song “Hills and Valleys,” by Tauren Wells. Give it a listen!
“On the mountains, I will bow my life to the one who set me there. In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there. When I’m standing on the mountain I didn’t get there on my own. When I’m walking through the valley, I know I am not alone. You’re God of the hills and valleys.”
Additional Posts

Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?



