Adjusting to Changing Relationships
December 1, 2025
No one is calling me now. What is going on? For many years, we have received regular calls from newly arrived refugees needing help. We received calls from people we already knew and from people we had never heard of before. Somehow, word got out that we loved immigrants, and people passed our phone numbers around!
But we are not getting those phone calls now, or at least not many. We have now entered a new phase, where the refugees are more settled and have developed their own local networks. Some of these families have both parents working full-time. Some have found jobs working the night shift; others are working the day or afternoon shift. It is getting harder to sort out times to drop in and see them.
I recently had a chat with a former refugee, who now embraces Christ wholeheartedly. He said that when the needy stage for refugees ends—and it will end—you need to be proactive in seeking them out. It’s easy to assume that since they no longer call, they no longer need you, so you stop visiting them. But this is not the case. They still need you to shine the light of Christ into their lives. They need to hear Jesus stories, and they need you to pray over them. But there needs to be a subtle change on our side.
From Receiving to Belonging
There has been a shift, and to continue ministering to them, we need to adapt. Now, instead of us showing up with things they need, we need to invite them to come over and bring food. We need to invite them to help us plan outings. We need them to find a place to host a party. To save face, they must be given ways to cook and contribute and not always be on the receiving side. Otherwise, it is embarrassing for them to always be on the receiving end, and to avoid that, they will avoid us.
It is a little like teenagers growing up and becoming young adults. As children get older, you can’t keep treating them like little kids. They are different now, and conversations and interactions need to reflect those changes.
So, in your plans for Christmas or a New Year’s gathering, is there a way for you to include a local refugee family? Can you invite them to help you plan the party? Can you find a way to include some of their ideas and give them credit in front of others to encourage them? Make it a potluck dinner where everyone brings enough for themselves and a little extra to share. Invite them to make their special dish at your house, and you can make it side by side as they teach you!
It is important for us as Christians to have interactions with new immigrants and be available to explain the true meaning of Christmas. Otherwise, they will just absorb the commercialization around them, and the gift and beauty of Christmas will be lost.
Start thinking now: Who can we invite to our Christmas gathering? And what are some ways we can ask them to contribute to the gathering?
No one is calling me now. What is going on? For many years, we have received regular calls from newly arrived refugees needing help. We received calls from people we already knew and from people we had never heard of before. Somehow, word got out that we loved immigrants, and people passed our phone numbers around!
But we are not getting those phone calls now, or at least not many. We have now entered a new phase, where the refugees are more settled and have developed their own local networks. Some of these families have both parents working full-time. Some have found jobs working the night shift; others are working the day or afternoon shift. It is getting harder to sort out times to drop in and see them.
I recently had a chat with a former refugee, who now embraces Christ wholeheartedly. He said that when the needy stage for refugees ends—and it will end—you need to be proactive in seeking them out. It’s easy to assume that since they no longer call, they no longer need you, so you stop visiting them. But this is not the case. They still need you to shine the light of Christ into their lives. They need to hear Jesus stories, and they need you to pray over them. But there needs to be a subtle change on our side.
From Receiving to Belonging
There has been a shift, and to continue ministering to them, we need to adapt. Now, instead of us showing up with things they need, we need to invite them to come over and bring food. We need to invite them to help us plan outings. We need them to find a place to host a party. To save face, they must be given ways to cook and contribute and not always be on the receiving side. Otherwise, it is embarrassing for them to always be on the receiving end, and to avoid that, they will avoid us.
It is a little like teenagers growing up and becoming young adults. As children get older, you can’t keep treating them like little kids. They are different now, and conversations and interactions need to reflect those changes.
So, in your plans for Christmas or a New Year’s gathering, is there a way for you to include a local refugee family? Can you invite them to help you plan the party? Can you find a way to include some of their ideas and give them credit in front of others to encourage them? Make it a potluck dinner where everyone brings enough for themselves and a little extra to share. Invite them to make their special dish at your house, and you can make it side by side as they teach you!
It is important for us as Christians to have interactions with new immigrants and be available to explain the true meaning of Christmas. Otherwise, they will just absorb the commercialization around them, and the gift and beauty of Christmas will be lost.
Start thinking now: Who can we invite to our Christmas gathering? And what are some ways we can ask them to contribute to the gathering?
Additional Posts
Choosing a Missions Organization: Why SEND International Stands Out “Why should I be a missionary through SEND International?” Jenna, a new missionary in Eastern Europe, shared with us what she appreciates about working with SEND. The highlights for her are: - Devotion to prayer - Diligence in communication - Commitment to development - Intentionality in accountability Prayer “Back in September of 2022, the Lord reconnected me with SEND after I had met them a year prior at the Moody Bible Institute. However, before he would sign me up for anything, my Missions Coach encouraged me to pray. He said something to the effect of, "I know that you've been praying on your own for a long time. But as the Church, we are not called to walk alone. So, you and I won't talk for about a month unless you have questions. I want you to go pray with 5 or 6 others from your church about where God is calling you." That October, more than 10 friends prayed with me and we saw God answer as He directed me to Romania. From February 2024 to November 2025, I had the pleasure of being a part of team meetings in Romania with my SEND colleagues. Our meetings were four hours long, two for prayer and two for business. This has been the minimum for our team. There are also prayer meetings with the local churches we partner with, among smaller groups within our team, of course prayer with many of you across the pond, including those at our US office. The organization was built, has been sustained, and continues to run on prayer. This is my favorite thing about SEND. Communication As I mentioned above, we have a two hour block for business / ministry details in each of our meetings. This provides consistency across our team which works alongside three different churches and in a variety of ministries. It also helps us to communicate about the need for change or growth, alongside what is working well. In addition, my team director also meets with each of us, allowing us to communicate needs, considerations, and prayer requests. I've also enjoyed getting to work with SEND workers outside of my immediate region . We receive emails with the minutes from the Europe leadership team, Friday communications from our international director, and information regarding projects that affect our work among the unreached. In December of 2024, our international director at the time wrote a note to my parents for the first Christmas that I was gone. If nothing else had convinced my mom yet, this did. He took the time to care for me, but also to care well for the parents that were sending me (What it meant to my dad and mom for him to do this well has been one of the greatest ways I've been supported.). I also have some pretty wonderful regional directors. These people have prayed alongside us (while also serving in their own countries of service), they have taken time to come visit and encourage our team, and they have also taken the time to encourage the people in our churches. Development SEND has provided much in the area of development and care (spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally). At our regional conference (every three years), there have been medical check ups available, counseling options, and time for connecting with others on the field with similar experience. At our conference last October, I connected with a missionary who served overseas for many years, and is now serving on the administrative side of SEND. She has met with me since then for mentorship and has also invested much of her time recently in preparing a retreat for the singles across Europe. Accountability Over the years I have read and heard amazing stories of how God has worked through missionaries. God has done great things and great things He is still doing! However, people who have committed their lives to the Lord in this way are not “super Christians”. We are still humans with the same struggle against flesh that others have . A major challenge is in being isolated -- living in areas with little to no presence of other believers to sharpen them can cause many difficulties. SEND has been a great resource in this area too. Through my team, I have an accountability partner that I meet with monthly. When my regional director came to visit, he and his wife spent a day with me and asked intentional questions about how I lead, handle conflict, and how I am growing in general as a Christian. In addition, my teammates share their wisdom with me on a regular basis. These things and more have assured me that SEND International is a highly valuable organization and I'm excited to partner with them in service to, for, and with our great God! Interested in being sent by SEND?
Learn about the spiritual harmony in Vietnam & how missionaries engage with college students. Join us in sharing the gospel!
Explore Georgia's spiritual heritage and the impact of SEND International's mission. Join us in fostering authentic relationships today!
